In my efforts to lose weight, I enlisted the help of a nutritionist. She suggested a group called Craving Change that is run by her and a social worker. This is a four part program that meets at the hospital that helps us to understand why we eat what we eat and when.
After the first meeting, I learned something about myself that I am not proud of. I am a lonely eater. I eat when I am alone, and it is hard to make wise choices when I do. I've done this for a long time. When no one is around, I will sneak the foods that are usually had in moderation. As a child, when my mom was busy, I'd sneak cookies, snack cakes, chips, or any other snack food. I'd hide the wrappers, or take just enough for no one to really notice at first glance. This problem behaviour still haunts me. I'll buy junk food and eat it without my husband knowing. I've thrown out the bags on my next pass by a public trash can or hid them in our garbage can right before collection time. I'm not proud, but I am working on it. I am weak when it comes to food, I know this.
When snacks are put near me, I lose all control. No matter what kind of food, if it is there, I'll eat it unless it is something I don't like or can't have for painful reasons. I don't have the power in me to remove myself from the situation. I don't have the power in me to just say no. Food is my drug, and I admit to being a sugar/carb junkie. I crave the crunch. I crave the endorphins.
If I am able to keep myself occupied, I can sometimes avoid the problem eating. This isn't something I am good at. When I am motivated enough, I can keep busy, but I first have to feel motivated. The lack of motivation is when things can potentially snowball for me.
When looking through the list of triggers that lead to problematic eating, I always find that being alone is the worst. I can't say that it is my only trigger, but it is the strongest. I'm not strong when I am alone. I don't notice until it is too late and the eating has already begun. The damage is done. I feel the guilt, I feel remorse, I feel disgust.
I'm really hoping that Craving Change will help me to kick my bad habits. I need help, I want to change, and I want to do better.
