It is nice to know that I'm not alone in my struggles with food. I knew this, but when meeting with other people with a similar problem, it became more real. You know how it is, you think you're the only one who struggles until you see it for yourself.
Apparently, I am a compulsive eater. At least that is what I'm told. I can see that when I look back at my weaker times. It never occurs to me until after the damage is done. Thankfully, I've been good this week and have not experienced problem eating. Okay, maybe just a small slip when I had two granola bars... and when Kerri brought cupcakes. They are gone, so no more temptation!
I learned at Craving Change that perfectionists often are the ones who experience problematic eating. Because we've gone off the wagon, we figure "since I've already messed up today, I'll just eat what I want and try to be good again tomorrow". Hello! That is often what happens to me. I have to break that cycle. I do seem to follow the 80/20 rule of eating well most of the time and having the indulgences infrequently. Unfortunately, I need to do closer to 90/10 if I want this weight to come off. After visiting with the family, I tend to take almost two weeks to lose what I gained in two days. Maybe that will change if I can get my weaknesses under control. I know it isn't their fault. They aren't forcing me to eat things that I shouldn't have. I don't have to eat a huge chunk of meat or gobs of potato. They are comfort foods, they taste good, they are also large portions.
I am also trying to put my hunger on hold. If I am still hungry after half an hour, then I'll go ahead and eat. I need to focus more on stomach hunger than the I-just-want-to-eat hunger. Sometimes it is just the idea that makes me want to eat and not that I need to eat. That is a time I get in trouble. Unless my stomach is on the verge of growling, I'll try to wait.
I've been a bit hard on myself lately, because the weight hasn't been coming off very much. A small consolation is that I've had more endurance. I guess muscle is building since I've been working hard in the garden and zumba is easier. My feet don't feel like lead half way through now. Also, Joe and I went for a bike ride and I made it the approx. 5km without thinking I was going to die. It got close going up a small hill, but I made it. That was the first ride of the season, too.
I also haven't been using MyFitnessPal like I was before. I figured if I was eating within my set portions outlined by my nutritionist, I'd be fine. That doesn't seem to be working. I haven't been weighing or measuring what I eat, so my eying of portions must be off. I know I haven't been drinking enough water, so I am trying to be aware of that. I either eat too many calories or not enough. I'm always afraid of going over. Really, it is just a ballpark, so I don't know why I am so worried.
I have overcome a huge hurdle, so I should be nicer to myself. I haven't been craving real sugar. I've finally found a sugar substitute that works in my lattes. I had tried stevia, truvia, cane sugar, and decreasing the amount of sugar. None really worked as well as I had hoped. Until I tried the Starbucks Sugar-free caramel syrup. One and a half pumps of that seem to do the trick. Sometimes it even tastes like a mocha. I don't remember the last time I put sugar in my coffee. That was the only place I was using white sugar except when I had tea at mom's.
One new change that we have made is to only have the skinny cow ice cream on weekends instead of every day. Usually right after dinner, we'd grab an ice cream sandwich. Now we either don't have anything, or eventually have fruit or yogurt. Soon, maybe both when the fruit starts coming in season.
I'm learning more and more about myself with this program. I hope that there is another one after so I can continue to find ways to help myself. The change isn't easy, but every step is a step in the right direction.
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